Maleficent (2014) 74/100

Posted on May 29, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 74/100 97 Min

Disney’s latest live-action take on the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale sees much more made of the villain they themselves created for their 1959 animated version, the eponymous Maleficent (the definition of whose name is the very embodiment of evil), played in a truly wonderful performance here by Angelina Jolie. It’s possible to take the various myriad renditions of the tale in all sorts of directions – I was always told the version where Prince Charming kisses the princess and nothing happens, then a few weeks later she wakes up pregnant (dragon fairy tales do not paint a favourable picture of mankind – although see the 2011 Australian ‘Sleeping Beauty’ for more on this particular theme), oddly Disney decided not to run with that one, and instead we open with a charming back story for Maleficent, the soon to be powerful fairy ruler of the enchanted moorland realm which borders the human kingdom, and the two often being at odds with one another doesn’t deter the protagonist from falling in love with a young, Scottish I might add, boy who has wandered into fairy land intent on nicking something, the little urchin – suffice to say, things do not work out as hoped.

Time passes and we are introduced to Aurora (aka, Sleeping Beauty) and what unfolds is actually quite a touching and emotive drama about love, betrayal, hatred, rage, faeries, and yes, even dragons, all the good stuff really, and bar a couple of iffy moments near the beginning it manages to be entertaining throughout. It’s directed by special effects wizard Robert Stromberg (who won the Oscar for art direction twice, for 2009’s ‘Avatar’ and 2010’s ‘Alice in Wonderland’) in his directorial debut and he has done a great job overall, with the attention and dedication given to the effects and the art, make-up, and costume departments really paying dividends – in fact it looks pretty wonderful from start to finish.

I viewed this in 2D but you can tell from the way some scenes have been layered that a lot of thought has been given to the 3D production, so it could be that this is one of those rare films that are worth actually watching in 3D. All the performances are good – Sharlto Copley plays the grown version of Maleficent’s teenage beau, sporting a pretty decent Scottish accent, Elle Fanning plays Aurora with the perfect amount of youthful zest for life, Sam Riley is a henchman, and a raven, also with a convincing accent (Irish this time), with even the leading lady’s own daughter Vivienne playing one of the very young versions of Aurora, but this is ultimately Jolie’s show, and her full commitment to the role really shines through, winningly delivering the emotional resonance needed for it to work. A pretty great film, and a perfect one for families to go and watch together.

Postman Pat : The Movie (2014) 11/100

Posted on May 25, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 11/100 88 Min

Horrible. Barely rendered people and backdrops featuring nightmarish robotic villains which could easily scar the intended young audience, a film which you would think had been financed by Simon Cowell as the central character faces ‘Simon Cowbell’ on the X-factor, except they don’t call it that, with a couple of reasonable laughs for adults that then become completely mired in a ridiculous story which is by parts surely unbelievable even for youngsters and then it’s flying completely over their heads.

But let me just get this out of my system – having a chat show host in England in the movie scream in a racist manner that she has made it clear she refuses to work with animals or Scotsmen is NOT OK. Get your heads sorted out screenwriters Kim Fuller (brother of Simon Fuller, who created the Pop Idol franchise, which explains a lot), Annika Bluhm and Nicole Dubuc. This is based on the secondary bad guy being woefully played by David Tennant sporting a fairly cringe worthy ‘bad guy Scottish accent’ – Tennant, why the hell did you agree to do this film? The situation is only just rescued by the two characters concerned mysteriously kissing at the end for no apparent reason, suggesting a love/hate relationship which narrowly prevented The Red Dragon from burning down the cinema in a fit of fiery rage.

Based on the animated Royal Mail postman Pat Clifton, aka Postman Pat, who kids could watch regularly delivering mail to rubeville every week on TV beginning in the eighties. The enormous irony here is of course (and forgive me, dear reader, for this is about to turn into a RANT about British politics) that the Royal Mail has just recently been privatised by the Tory vermin that are ruining the country from the halls of Westminster, as they have done every time they have gotten into power, and who voted for them? NOBODY IN SCOTLAND, because we do not suffer right wing stuck up ignorant prigs who stamp on and criminalise the poor whilst raping the profits of other people’s hard work for themselves. It sums up the rampant stupidity of this country when a Conservative party representing the rich minority, can so often come back to govern the majority who are most certainly not rich. Corruption and stupidity, the very backbone of modern day Britain. Even just a few days ago the English local elections showed a surge in support for the extreme right wing party UKIP whose members would see racism as the norm and would have everyone pay to go to visit their GP, and what happened when their leader came up to Edinburgh? He had to leave for his own safety that’s what.

So, no, Postman Pat – your film might have a rosy ending where you expose the evil manager trying to streamline the post office, but your own nation has ensured that in reality you would probably return to work one day and find out you’d been replaced by a marker pen, one making sweeping cuts to focus profit at the expense of the people and of service, you would not be returning triumphantly to your loving wife and son, you would be signing on and then explaining to your family that money would be tight, but of course in your little rural village there are not going to be many jobs going, especially when you consider your advancing years, and so pretty soon the Job Centre would be stopping your benefits because that’s what they’ve been mandated to do by the Tories, unless of course you would be willing to do the unpaid community service that they are now forcing the unemployed into, community service usually reserved for criminals, but then if you’re poor in the UK then as far as the Westminster elite are concerned you are indeed a criminal, despite the fact they themselves put you into your current position.

Good luck Postman Pat. You’re going to need it.

Tarzan (2013) 11/100

Posted on May 21, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 11/100 94 Min

Third rate animation that can only have secured a wide release based on the fact they were adapting Edgar Rice Burrough’s most famous character for his first big-screen outing since Disney did a pretty great job back in 99. The backgrounds and some of the animated creatures in this are good – but the humans look terrible, and the story is just hopeless. Tarzan, for example, is a already a young boy of about eight or nine and able to speak fluently when his parents bite the dust in the jungle and a Great Ape adopts him, which is a fairly major departure from the novel and yet still sees Tarzan able to communicate with the animals and swing from the trees by the time he is in his late teens and he meets a ridiculously sexualised Jane, who’s constant tight fitting shorts and Barbie doll breasts seems to even attract the amorous attention of her father.

Central to the plot is the fanciful notion of a crashed meteor that, if found and harnessed, could be a source of limitless power, but this same power can prove destructive if disturbed as Tarzan’s loving parents that take him on a perilous journey into the middle of nowhere find out. This crashed meteor also looks rather like the island thingy at the end of ‘Superman Returns’ (06). There really is no skill or class whatsoever here, I wouldn’t even recommend it for the youngest and least critical of children, just rent Disney’s far superior version instead. With Kellan Lutz and Spencer Locke as principal voice leads.

Muppets Most Wanted (2014) 66/100

Posted on May 13, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 66/100 107 Min

The sequel to 2011’s ‘The Muppets’ and the 8th theatrical release to feature Jim Henson’s hand puppet creations (the other six for the trivia minded among you are ‘The Muppet Movie’ 79, ‘The Great Muppet Caper’ 81, ‘The Muppets Take Manhattan’ 84, ‘The Muppet Christmas Carol’ 92, ‘Muppet Treasure Island’ 96 and ‘Muppets From Space’ 99, as well as a number of TV and direct to DVD releases) follows directly on from the previous story, here with the Muppets touring show being used as a vehicle for several high profile robberies after Kermit the frog is replaced by CONSTANTINE, a Russian criminal master mind who happens to look almost identical to poor Kermit, who is ousted from his position at Muppet mission control and forced into the Gulag under the supervision of Tina Fey, who is admittedly sporting quite a sexy Russian accent.

As before, the film is directed by James Bobin and jointly penned by him and Nicholas Stoller, and it once again features a raft of cameo roles from well known actors – some of which are amusing, Ray Liotta and Danny Trejo as singing prisoners in the Gulag for example, and some of which are so brief there was precious little point to them (though this is in keeping with the show). Overall, there is a little less singing and dancing than last time around, but the same feeling of a show on display and its family friendly orientation is very much at the forefront here again, it’s just a little too safe and a little too bland, with large sections that don’t deliver much, such as the two detectives, one Muppet and one human, following the trail of thefts which just drags on. Constantine is probably the film’s strongest element, an amusing character with an accent that is a lot of fun to try and mimic, but he’s not used to full potential and he’s paired up with Ricky Gervais who seems to almost be trying to atone for previous sins, as if he’s been cuckolded by Tina Fey’s superior run at the Golden Globes and feels the need to be the but of a few sparse jokes rather than attempt to really make any.

Essentially the film is pleasant, but completely lacking any sting. ‘Muppets Tonight’ had the capacity to absolutely hit the nail on the head from time to time – I remember sitting in a friend’s living room with his entire family, none of whom I had ever met before, whilst he finished off masturbating or whatever he was doing, and everyone was watching the show in silence when the Baywatch sketch came on, featuring two fairly hopeless pigs as lifeguards who discover a mysterious object lying on the beach and decide to play volleyball with it, thoroughly enjoying themselves, unfortunately this object is very obviously shown to be a land mine which promptly blows up and kills everyone on the beach. This had me in stitches laughing. None of the others in the room, however, found it amusing which, heightened by the awkwardness of meeting someone’s family for the first time, made it EVEN FUNNIER. Shortly after I calmed down and they started desperately talking about something that was so completely unrelated that I couldn’t help but burst out laughing again, in fact, I think I was actually crying it was so funny whilst they all ignored me as the growing gibbering elephant in the corner of the room until my friend arrived to rescue me. I mean, that’s funny right? {This also reminds me of the time another friend told me he was so obsessed with a mortal female that he’d started to see her everywhere, including presenting the weather on TV and reading the news. I laughed at him FOR FOUR HOURS}

Neither of these two recent films feature any kind of real hilarity, and the Muppets need that, they need the sort of devilish risqué humour that works so well because they are puppets and are ostensibly aimed at a younger audience. Hopefully the next one will focus more on comedy than fluff and padding – we want brazenly impish revelry, not plodding run of the mill storytelling.

Rio 2 (2014) 65/100

Posted on May 10, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 65/100 101 Min

Colourful and bright animation that is actually a slight improvement on its predecessor, although as with that film there is nothing worth watching here for adults other than a light and frothy story with good graphics. Having said that, some of the songs featured are pretty good, and Will I Am (who plays Pedro) has expressed interest in the idea of working with Anne Hathaway (who plays Jewel) on a project outwith the movie industry. The story follows up on the love affair of Blu and Jewel, two rare blue macaws that now have a family of three young chicks to bring up but who are thrown into an adventure in the Amazon jungle when their human buddies get lost there, only to discover Jewel’s family that she had been separated from for many years, and they will have to work together against the evil loggers that threaten their natural habitat. Should be fine for families with young children.

Tinker Bell and the Pirate Fairy (2014) 75/100

Posted on March 16, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 75/100 78 Min

There were a good many sheepish adults trying to melt into the shadows of the auditorium at the screening for this, and although their uneasiness is merited since this is aimed primarily at eleven year old girls, so too is their bravery to watch it as it’s actually a lot of fun. This is the continuation of the Disney fairy line with Tinker Bell (curiously, her name is often misspelled as Tinkerbell, the ‘Tinker’ part denotes her skills and place within fairy society, as a tinker, as well as the way her voice, and that of all the fairies, is heard as the tinkling sound of a bell to those not fluent in their language) as the central anchor, with ‘The Secret of the Wings’ being the last instalment.

This is actually an improvement on the last film, which was also pretty good, as here the focus is on a group of friends on a traditional adventure with themes of inclusion and the freedom to be creative, all beginning when Zarina (Christina Hendricks), operating as the fairy equivalent of Antoine Lavoisier, does the unthinkable and EXPERIMENTS WITH FAIRY DUST (actual fairy dust that is, not meth), resulting in her being ostracised by her peers when one of her experiments goes awry and she creates a FUSION BOMB (no, not really). Her response to this? She goes off and becomes a pirate, which, admittedly, is an impressive response.

The animation as you would expect from Disney is very good (although, oddly, Tinker Bell’s face doesn’t look quite right), there are a few songs in there, one of which is very catchy, the spirit of the film is completely perfect for the target audience (despite the lack of male characters to relate to even boys should enjoy it {the fairies are quite fit} unlikely they would admit to it though), the timeline within this particular universe is set, and there are some good laughs with a lot of nice touches to appreciate, such as when Zarina orders “Earl Grey. Hot” à la Captain Picard from Star Trek and when, despite the size of the fairies, a bee tries to buzz into the ear of one of them. I HATE THAT. Despite the secondary nature of the Tinker Bell line of films compared to Disney’s official feature animations, this holds its own very well. Also with Tom Hiddleston, Lucy Liu and Angelica Huston as some of the more recognisable voices in the ensemble cast.

Escape from Planet Earth (2013) 61/100

Posted on March 16, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 61/100 89 Min

The first animated theatrical release from Rainmaker Entertainment, which hits UK shores over a year after its release in the States – was it worth the wait? Well, not especially, but for its target audience of young kids it should prove visually and thematically entertaining enough, with the occasional nod to films like ‘The Artist’ (11) and ‘Monsters’ (10) to try and keep adults interested.

The story focuses on two alien brothers, one full of machismo but not the sharpest tool in the shed and the other a tech nerd and family man (his son is initially more impressed by the showmanship of his brother) at mission control – when the former is captured by the US military (many of their number have mysteriously gone missing on Earth) the more cautious brother is forced to ‘man up’ and go into the field to try and rescue him. The animation is slick and colourful, and although the story is very simple, exploring the rivalry of the brothers along with the relative pros and cons of their strengths and weaknesses, it should hold youngster’s attention throughout, although it is unlikely to become an enduring family favourite.

With voice acting from Rob Corddry, Brendan Fraser, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jessica Alba, William Shatner and Ricky Gervais.

Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014) 63/100

Posted on February 19, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 63/100 92 Min

The latest animation from Dreamworks is based on characters from the 1960’s ‘The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show’, and focuses on the father and adopted son relationship of Mr Peabody (Ty Burrell), who happens to be a preternaturally intelligent canine that can talk, is a fully functional member of society and has invented, secretly, time travel, and his young human son Sherman (Max Charles) that he finds abandoned in an alleyway one day and who bizarrely has an IQ much closer to that of the average dog than any well adjusted member of mankind. This is the fundamental problem with the film – although the animation is fine, the protagonist is just too stupid, and his idiocy continues to set up most of the drama in the story as we see him bullied by a girl at school, who then bullies him into taking her on a jaunt through time and space.

It’s not without moral backbone, however, as Peabody attempts to rectify his son’s trouble at school by inviting the young demon and her parents over for dinner, delivering two surprisingly deep philosophical quotes to try and sell the idea to Sherman about the strongest relationships evolving through conflict and issues of self-reflection in hatred. As the narrative continues the father will have to learn to have more faith in his son and give him a bit more freedom, just as Sherman will come to see that the rules he has handed down to him have his own welfare at their heart, and the girl, Penny (Ariel Winter), will need to be rescued several times over and eventually stop being such a pain. A couple of nice jokes for adults, and perhaps a fun spattering of history for youngsters, including ancient Egypt, da Vinci and the Renaissance, the French Revolution and the siege of Troy, almost like ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ (89) for a younger demographic (although the time machine here is remarkably similar to the one in ‘Free Birds’ for some reason), it will probably be entertaining enough for kids but I do question whether Sherman is simply so dim and irresponsible that he sets a bad example rather than functioning as the intended parabolic vehicle.

The Lego Movie (2014) 70/100

Posted on February 19, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 70/100 100 Min

Lego, one of the most enduring and popular toys of the last century (the name comes from the Danish ‘leg godt’ meaning ‘play well’) took a surprisingly long time to bring itself onto the big-screen given the success of the Transformers franchise and the completely unmerited monetary haul of the G.I. Joe films. Here everything, not surprisingly, is made from Lego and all digitally mastered together into a traditional tale of the underdog, Emmet Brickowski (Chris Pratt) – an unexceptional everyday Lego worker with no friends to speak of but who never has a bad word to say about anybody, who must realise his own potential and learn how to help others do the same (with the help of the Master Builders, who can creatively construct things from Lego without using a rulebook, don’t you know) all to undermine the dastardly plans of PRESIDENT BUSINESS (Will Ferrell) who can’t stand all those pesky Master Builders ruining his otherwise regimented and ordered Lego universe. But does Emmet have what it takes?

Initially the story and comedy value are a little flat, and a little predictable, and songs like ‘Everything is Awesome’ (the only song in this incidentally, it’s not a musical) are a little grating, but then … it becomes catchy! And the bland component parts eventually become endearing, partly due to an array of likeable characters, such as Batman (Will Arnett), Bad Cop/Good Cop (Liam Neeson) and Unikitty (Alison Brie), the leader of Cloud Cuckoo Land, domain of rainbows and puppies, who variously becomes Biznesskitty and Iwillripyourfuckingfaceoffifyoudothatagainkitty. Along with everything, she too, is awesome. Overall, it’s a fun trip guaranteed to spike sales of Lego and with a good message at it’s heart of creative self expression and the importance of appreciating this as a universal concept.

Walking with Dinosaurs 3D (2013) 43/100

Posted on January 31, 2014 by The Red Dragon

Rating : 43/100 87 Min

A big budget animation based on the BBC documentary series ‘Walking with Dinosaurs’ which aired in the late nineties. This was financed by both the BBC and independent investors in the states and so all the main characters have American accents, with Justin Long being the biggest name to lend his talents to the voiceover work. We follow the adventures of two young brother dinosaurs, two Pachyrhinosaurus to be exact, as they mature from following the herd to leading it. The animated work is very good and everything looks slick and realistic enough, with Alaska and New Zealand providing visually splendorous backdrops (in fact the same mountain that can be seen in the Desolation of Smaug review also features here), but the story is simply terrible. Early on the two bros witness their father being torn to shreds, and then an instant later they’ve forgotten about it and they continue on regardless – in fact they assume their mother has met a similar fate, they don’t actually bother to try and find out.

They become part of a particularly lame love triangle which attempts to be both part of the animal kingdom and also relate to human relationships, with the potential conclusion being that the alpha male will get the woman who will bow down to him even though she thinks he’s a moron, and the way to counter this is to attempt to beat him to a pulp – and if that fails wait until hopefully someone else does it for you. It does tell you the name of each of the species that they encounter and what the name means which is nice – the bad guys are the gorgosaurus, which translates as ‘fierce lizard’, and also lends more depth to Lena Headey’s sexy queen Gorgo in ‘300’ (06).

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