Tarzan  (2013)    11/100

Rating :   11/100                                                                       94 Min        PG

Third rate animation that can only have secured a wide release based on the fact they were adapting Edgar Rice Burrough’s most famous character for his first big-screen outing since Disney did a pretty great job back in 99. The backgrounds and some of the animated creatures in this are good – but the humans look terrible, and the story is just hopeless. Tarzan, for example, is a already a young boy of about eight or nine and able to speak fluently when his parents bite the dust in the jungle and a Great Ape adopts him, which is a fairly major departure from the novel and yet still sees Tarzan able to communicate with the animals and swing from the trees by the time he is in his late teens and he meets a ridiculously sexualised Jane, who’s constant tight fitting shorts and Barbie doll breasts seems to even attract the amorous attention of her father.

Central to the plot is the fanciful notion of a crashed meteor that, if found and harnessed, could be a source of limitless power, but this same power can prove destructive if disturbed as Tarzan’s loving parents that take him on a perilous journey into the middle of nowhere find out. This crashed meteor also looks rather like the island thingy at the end of ‘Superman Returns’ (06). There really is no skill or class whatsoever here, I wouldn’t even recommend it for the youngest and least critical of children, just rent Disney’s far superior version instead. With Kellan Lutz and Spencer Locke as principal voice leads.

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