In Fear  (2013)    51/100

Rating :   51/100                                                                       85 Min        15

Starring Iain De Caestecker (‘Not Another Happy Ending’) and Alice Englert (‘Beautiful Creatures’), this low budget British horror film sees Tom and Lucy off for a wee romantic trip to the Irish countryside. The only problem is, they very quickly get lost in a maze of country roads supposed to be leading to their hotel – is someone playing a sick joke on them? Although a little tension is created, and the leads are Ok with a scenario that could work – very little is done with the story to make it worthwhile, and the overwhelming feeling come the end of the movie is simply one of pointlessness.

The Cave  (2005)    55/100

Rating :   55/100                                                                       97 Min        12A

The premise to this is a now familiar set up within scenario based horror films – a bunch of explorers and scientists explore a virgin cave system in Romania, and then it all goes to pot. In this instance the kicker is that stories of legend place titanic battles of knights versus satanic forces there – could there be any truth in this ancient legend as one by one the young adventurers fall foul of the labyrinthine tunnels?

The core problem with this particular outing is simply that it fails to create any real sense of tension, which combined with poor special effects and, for some of the cast, less than award winning acting (significantly less) results in a horror film which is conceptually fine but one that’s all too relaxing to watch. Lena Headey is the biggest name to feature here (with Piper Perabo and Morris Chestnut the two next most recognisable faces), and the screenplay makes sure to find reason to get her into a wetsuit and then unzip it to reveal her cleavage which is both a little groan worthy and at the same time I’m glad they did it (because otherwise her character would have died in that scene, obviously). Watching a film purely because you really fancy one of the main cast members doesn’t always pay dividends, but I still kind of enjoyed this on some level – although there are certainly better out there with a similar story – Neil Marshall’s ‘The Descent’ (05) and ‘Sanctum’ (11) for example. If you do see this, look out for the character (played by Perabo) who does the lion’s share of heroics but gets completely minced anyway, whilst everyone else just watches.

Insidious : Chapter 2  (2013)    63/100

Rating :   63/100                                                                     106 Min        15

Blumhouse productions rolls out the sequel to one of their most successful horror films to date, 2010’s smash hit ‘Insidious’, with the story continuing immediately after the events of the first film and with the return of director James Wan and the principal cast members, including leads Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne. If you are a fan of horror films and haven’t seen the original, then you absolutely must get hold of a copy of it before you watch this one, otherwise it’ll be ruined for you and, to be succinct, this isn’t anywhere near as good or as scary. To sum up the story without introducing spoilers, it’s essentially the classic setup of a normal family with children being pestered by ghosts, but the original was one of the best horror films of the last several years. Here, it is still fun to see what happens to the characters, and to indulge in the continuation of the story, but there’s no doubt it has lost a lot of its bite this time around.

You’re Next  (2011)    75/100

Rating :   75/100                                                                       94 Min        18

A decent enough slasher film that becomes a really good, fun thriller. A couple celebrating their thirty fifth wedding anniversary invite all their children, together with their relative partners, out to their mansion in the woods to celebrate with them. Unfortunately, someone decides this same group would make excellent target practice for their crossbow. At least, that is all the family have to go on for motive when they suddenly find themselves under attack in their own home and must do whatever they can to survive.

Sharni Vinson does a fantastic job of playing central character Erin, the sexy Australian girlfriend of one of the brothers who turns out to be hard as, ahem, nails, and the rest of the cast do a good job of both creating the right atmosphere and suspense, whilst simultaneously managing the difficult task of getting the audience to laugh with a horror film rather than at it. For fans of the genre this is to be highly recommended.

Hobo with a Shotgun  (2011)    79/100

Rating :   79/100                                                                       86 Min        18

What a great ‘splatterhouse’ film. This, like ‘Machete’ (10), began as a trailer for a movie that didn’t exist, shown during the ‘Grindhouse’ (07) double bill of Robert Rodriguez’s ‘Planet Terror’ and Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Death Proof’ (filmmakers Jason Eisener, John Davies, and Rob Cotterill, based in Canada, won an international competition to secure their trailer in the slot) . Rutger Hauer brings the titular Hobo to life, traveling into a town where all notions of law and order have been torn to shreds, and life is effectively dictated by the whims of the ruling drug lord’s family, which, naturally, our (anti) hero will take exception to. A film whose entire premise is encapsulated by the title, and at the same time we can’t wait for the Hobo to pick up his shotgun and start kicking some ass – and really, who better to do it than Hauer?

This is a bloody, bloody film, but it is highly enjoyable. Some of the scenes have been heavily colourised, to the extent that they are effectively completely blue or orangey yellow – it’s terrible, and yet it somehow works for this film! Directed by Jason Eisener, it offers an interesting perspective on the raging debate over the portrayal of violence in film, as watching this not long after ‘Elysium’ I found a scene here where a school bus full of children is deliberately torched much less disturbing than the one in ‘Elysium’ that simply has a young girl being verbally threatened. The reason of course is entirely down to the way each is filmed (we only really see an exterior shot of the bus in flames, whereas in the latter it is very obvious there is a real young girl in the room), with Eisener having a much better idea of what he was making, and the fact that here the violence has an unreal tongue in cheek manner to it laced with dark humour.

With a perfect retro soundtrack in accompaniment, this is one irreverent action film to fall in love with.


Quotes

“I can promise you, when I get out of here, I’m gonna bite your face off!”   Rutger Hauer/Hobo

“You want to know if I’m homeless? So you can kill me! Some people, got a bed to sleep on. Where they can crawl under the covers and have a good night’s rest. But other people, they don’t got beds at all. Instead they got to find a alleyway, or a park bench, where some fuckers not going to stab them. Just because they don’t got beds doesn’t mean they’re homeless! Cos guess what? They got the biggest home of any of us. It’s called the streets! And right now, we’re all standing in their home! So maybe, we should show them some God damn respect! If this is their home, they got a right to keep it clean don’t they? Sometimes, on the streets, a broom just ain’t gonna fuckin’ cut it! That’s when you gotta get a shotgun! So if you wanna kill me, go ahead. But I’ll warn ya, from where I’m standing, things are looking real fuckin’ filthy!”   Molly Dunsworth/Abby

Primal  (2010)    70/100

Rating :   70/100                                                                       80 Min        18

Aussie horror flick that sees a group of young teenagers head into to the outback to look at some ancient rock paintings. Alas, they unwittingly awaken a primal force in the adjacent caves which attempts to use them for its own purpose, seeping a genetic toxin into the nearby water, but who will be the first one of them to go for a nice dip and suffer its effects?

The group of characters consists of a few stereotypes, but ones that operate convincingly within the story, and the evolution of that story, and indeed the force they are confronted with, proves to be engaging throughout, although it is very much a contained, classic encounter of ‘who’s going to get wasted next’? That, combined with an allusion to a certain section of Japanese animation – one which I can’t help but think, since they decided to go down that route, they could have at least taken it a bit further than they did ….

The Conjuring  (2013)    70/100

Rating :   70/100                                                                     112 Min        15

Is The Conjuring scary? Hmm so-so. Is it any good? Ultimately, yes. You can tell by the picture above, and the look on Vera Farmiga’s face, that it features some very traditional scares, in this case a creepy little music box that probably has an equally creepy little clown inside, just waiting to pop out and enter your nightmares whilst a determinedly repetitive melody plays (it is in the affirmative for all of the above things, but you can see ghosts in its mirror as well ooooo). The problem with the first half of the movie is that it relies far too much on these very predictable tricks of the trade, wood will creak, doors will slam, matches will mysteriously blow out and then reveal something on the third striking etc. etc. It falls a little below humdrum, as we get to know the Perron family who are moving into their new home, which stands alone far away from civilisation and has a weird boarded up cellar. Obviously, they are not familiar with horror movies.

What makes this a little more interesting than your standard horror flick is that it’s loosely based on a true story, and we eventually get properly introduced to Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga respectively), paranormal investigators for whom the Perron case was to be one of their most famous. Interestingly, several previous films have been based on the investigations of the infamous academics (one can’t help but wonder if they influenced the creation of Scully and Mulder for ‘The X-Files’, although neither of the Warrens were sceptics) including ‘The Haunting in Connecticut’ (09) and ‘The Amityville Horror’ (79 & 05), and here, when they finally enter the family’s home, it is the look on Lorraine’s face telling us she’s seen something that she doesn’t want to admit to the family, that starts to draw the audience in.

Both principal leads have previous experience in the genre, and both in fantastic showcases of it – ‘Orphan’ (09) for Farmiga, and ‘Insidious’ (10) (which was genuinely quite scary) for Wilson, indeed The Conjuring’s director, James Wan, helmed ‘Insidious’ as well as the original ‘Saw’ (04). Lili Taylor, who plays the mother of the family, is also arguably best known for her role in ‘The Haunting’ in 1999. All this experience and a reasonable story combine for, not an amazing horror film, but certainly a pretty decent one.

World War Z  (2013)    67/100

Rating :   67/100                                                                     116 Min        15

This is a reasonably good zombie film, but one massively hindered by a director who hasn’t learned from previous mistakes. The man in question, Marc Forster, was criticised on a grand scale for his ultra fast editing of the action sequences on the Bond film ‘Quantum of Solace’, and here the same problem all but ruins the opening section of the film, where we are granted our first visual treatment of the zombie hordes (they are effectively the same as the zombies infected with the rage virus in 2002’s ‘28 Days Later’) and everything is so completely frenetic we can’t make out what on Earth is going on. The idea was to put the audience in the situation as much as possible, but ironically it has the very opposite effect, deadening our perception of events, in much the same way as watching a tense scene in fast forward would do.

It’s based on the novel by Max Brooks (the son of Mel Brooks), and after the first half an hour or so things start to pick up, and the story gets going. Brad Pitt does a good job of playing the central character, Gerry Lane, employed to investigate the source of the outbreak due to his military connections with the U.N. At one point he awakens to find himself tied to a stretcher and facing none other than Malcolm Tucker (well, Peter Capaldi) from ‘The Thick of it’, which is potentially far scarier than any of the zombie attacks. Decent, but never as tense as it should be.

The film is already famous throughout Scotland for being partly filmed in Glasgow, doubling up as Philadelphia, most notably in the city centre for the aforementioned starting attack. It is great to see the city on the big screen, and it’s obvious not just because of its architecture, but also because it looks decidedly coooooold and dreich (for anyone not familiar with Scots, this word is almost always used in connection with the weather and means dreary and miserable, we use it a lot) and I wonder if local business won’t be able to milk that to some degree, a zombie cafe perhaps, or the occasional zombie flash dance on unsuspecting tourists would be interesting …

The film is planned as part one of a trilogy, so the studios may return to Scotland’s largest city in the future. On a similar vein, Neil Marshall’s ‘Doomsday’ (08) revolved around a deadly killer virus which, naturally, began with one person coughing on the streets of Glasgow city centre. England’s response to the outbreak is to build another wall to keep us out, much like the Romans did, and the rest of the world pretty much leaves Scotland to die. Being a hardy bunch we don’t, of course, but we do degenerate into cannibalism and tribal warfare. All, that is, except for Dundee, which essentially carries on as normal.

The Last Exorcism Part II  (2013)    7/100

Rating :   7/100                                                                         88 Min        15

Being exorcised, or, for that matter, being possessed (at least, judging by the amount of time young girls spend masturbating while possessed), is likely a lot more enjoyable than the tragically dull experience of watching this film. Do yourself a favour and avoid it like the proverbial plague.

The Purge  (2013)    60/100

Rating :   60/100                                                                       85 Min        15

A film that ironically purges itself of any real satire or commentary, despite its promising setting. Opening in the near future in America, the country’s crime rate has dropped to almost zero due to an ongoing successful social experiment whereby, for one day of the year, any and all crime is legalised, with no emergency services available for the twelve hour period concerned, and no repercussions of any kind allowed to follow activities undertaken during the anarchic period. The exceptions to this rule are a weapons grade restriction, and immunity for political figures who have a ranking of ‘ten’ or above, for reasons of national security of course, not because they don’t want to be targets for rape, murder and mutilation. Also, restricting their own illegal activities to just one day in the year may have been a little far fetched even for the film.

It’s from Blumhouse productions, the studio behind the ‘Paranormal Activity’ franchise whose last output, ‘Dark Skies’, did leave Red Dragon wondering what direction they would take their work hence, in order that it survive the endless repetition of their trademark techniques. So, the beginning of this attempt certainly had a lot of promise, a sanctioned explosion and indulgence in anything the human psyche could conceive, one even publicly encouraged by society’s leaders and law makers, suggesting everyone revel in order to ‘purge’ themselves of natural primitive desires – especially intriguing with the billing of lead actors Ethan Hawke and Lena Headey, who is an actor that certainly doesn’t shy away from twisted character portrayals, as evinced by her work on ‘Game of Thrones’ and as lead villain Ma-Ma in last year’s ‘Dredd’ (which was really good incidentally, even though no one went to see it).

Unfortunately, what unfolds is yet another ‘family under peril in their own home’ scenario, exactly like all of Jason Blum’s previous films. It even still features more overuse of security cameras, with the young boy in the house operating a remote controlled one in several scenes, to very little effect in terms of the tension. Everything pans out very, very predictably as it devolves into a simple action movie with the family trying to survive. Some of the action is very pointedly set up at the beginning with one of the neighbours complaining that the new extension to Hawke and Headey’s house has effectively been paid for by the rest of the neighbourhood, them all having bought security systems from the family’s business, and that a lot of them are not happy about it. It’s completely ridiculous, as if they only sold security to that one street, or everyone else in their enormous houses are so poor they can’t afford to do the same thing, or that they were even forced to buy from them for that matter – it’s not like the basic principles of business have changed in this jointly dystopian and utopian future.

It is successful in creating a certain amount of dark atmosphere, and the initial story was a great place to start, but everything else is pretty disappointing, and it still features main characters doing ridiculous things sure to endanger everyone, in true horror film style. Michael Bay is also listed as one of the producers (he co-owns the production company Platinum Dunes which predominantly works on horror films), and it is difficult to say how much overall influence Blumhouse had over the final cut, but given the end product, and the fact they make a big deal of marketing ‘from the producers of Paranormal Activity’, it’s probably fair to assume they had the lion’s share of influence on the film. They certainly found a writer/director with a suitable name to tie in with their image – James DeMonaco, for whom this is his second time behind the camera, though he has notable previous writing credits with ‘The Negotiator’(98) and ‘Assault on Precinct 13’(05).