Turbo  (2013)    63/100

Rating :   63/100                                                                       96 Min        U

For youngsters, the smooth graphics, rich voice cast, and traditional tale of the underdog realising his dreams through determination and self belief will probably make this quite an enjoyable experience – for adult viewers it’s a little too simplistic and flat to really engage with.

Theo (Ryan Reynolds) and Chet (Paul Giamatti) are ordinary garden snails, ordinary, that is, except for Theo’s ambition to one day race in the Indy 500. Fortune smiles on the intrepid young mollusk when a freak accident effectively turns him into a miniature F1 car, allowing him the chance to fight for what he’s always wanted. With Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Peña, Luis Guzmán, Bill Hader, Snoop Dogg, Maya Rudolph, Richard Jenkins, Ken Jeong and Michelle Rodriguez in support, and an upcoming spin-off children’s TV series on Netflix due at the end of this year.

Not Another Happy Ending  (2013)    70/100

Rating :   70/100                                                                     102 Min        12A

A Scottish romantic comedy completely sold by the natural charisma of its two leads – the lovely Karen Gillan and brooding Frenchman Stanley Weber. Gillan plays Jane Lockhart, a first time novelist enjoying the fruits of her labour despite the liberties taken by her publisher, Weber’s Tom Duval. When writers block strikes for the finale of her second novel, Tom decides the reason must be that she has become too happy and resorts to making her miserable as the only logical course of action.

Set in Glasgow, the film feels alive and accessible throughout and even features the good old British tradition of pub quizzing as a central plot device (the ultimate prize of a trip to Disneyland is not quite so traditional), though other plot devices such as a fictitious character coming to life in the mind of Jane feel a little bit superfluous. At times, there is a loose quality to the way scenes play out – rather like if you were to film something with your mates without rehearsing it much before hand, but this quality invites the audience in and gives the film a real and original feel to it. With Gary Lewis and rising stars Freya Mavor (‘Sunshine on Leith’), Amy Manson (‘Outcasts’) and Iain De Caestecker (‘Marvel – Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’) in support.

Machete Kills  (2013)    60/100

Rating :   60/100                                                                     107 Min        15

I reeeeally wanted to like this more than I did. It suffers from over familiarity with the gag before the audience even goes in, and there is a pretty significant drag factor in the middle, but it does satisfy enough to justify the proposed sequel – ‘Machete Kills Again … In Space!’.

This is of course a comedy exploitation film from director Robert Rodriguez, the third of a trilogy starring Danny Trejo as the titular Machete (so called for his skill with his favourite weapon), a franchise which began as a fake trailer shown during Rodriquez and Tarantino’s ‘Grindhouse’ (07), much like ‘Hobo with a Shotgun’. Here the president of the United States (Charlie Sheen) asks Machete to tackle a credible threat to the safety of the entire nation. You can expect an overindulgence of blood soaked tongue in cheek violence and black humour as well as a raft of familiar faces and dazzling dames – including Mel Gibson, Antonio Banderas, Lady Gaga, Amber Heard, Michelle Rodriguez, Demian Bichir and Jessica Alba.

Best watched with your mates and combined with a drinking game.


Quotes

“Machete happens.”   Danny Trejo/Machete

The Fifth Estate  (2013)    70/100

Rating :   70/100                                                                     128 Min        15

Telling the story of Wikileaks and its founder Julian Assange, with the title referring to the traditional four estates of the clergy, the commoners, the nobility and the press and the posited operation of individuals freely publishing online (riotous revolutionaries that they are …) as a fifth pillar of modern civilisation, this film attempts the impossible – to give us a historical account of the rise and machinations of both the online whistle blowing mouthpiece, and Assange himself.

Directed by Bill Condon (‘Gods and Monsters’ 98, the last two Twilight films) an attempt has been made to bring some of the technical side of things to life graphically, which doesn’t work as well as intended, but the essence of the story and its relevance for intelligence agencies, governments and the general public across the world, not to mention Assange himself who is still currently for all intents and purposes a political prisoner in the Ecuadorian embassy in London, couldn’t be more fascinating or relevant.

The screenplay is based on two different published books on the topic, but there is always going to be that irritation of not knowing just what to believe, especially since here we see a very traditional almost pantomime character portrayal of Assange, which may or may not be accurate, but is doubtless one of the reasons he has disowned the film (see the clip below). With Daniel Brühl, David Thewlis, Peter Capaldi, Laura Linney, Anthony Mackie, Stanley Tucci and Alicia Vikander in support, Benedict Cumberbatch gives one of the best performances of his already very impressive career as Assange, replete with a convincing accent and mannerisms, ones which those who worked with the Australian have described as impressively accurate.

Romeo and Juliet  (2013)    50/100

Rating :   50/100                                                                     118 Min        PG

A conceptually lacklustre effort that strips Shakespeare’s play down to its bare bones, and exposes just how dreadful the story actually is. Suffering the leads trying to enact star crossed love is like watching two bricks smash continually into one another, as Romeo comes across as a pathetic and vain dolt abusing the hopeless naivety of young Juliet. They first meet during a masquerade (was it as such in the play? I can’t remember) and given it’s supposed to be love at first sight, it seems somewhat odd when they can’t actually see at least half of the others face. What would have been more interesting is if Romeo had unmasked Juliet and said “Hmm, actually I think I made a mistake, sorry love, where did that other one go. Rosaline!”

The only saving graces for the film are the old acting hands who do a pretty convincing job, especially Paul Giamatti, playing friar Laurence, continuing his penchant for scene stealing (that’s not to say Douglas Booth as Romeo and Hailee Steinfeld as Juliet don’t convince, they do – just not really until their final scene together … ) and the costumes and set design, although it does very much look like the marriage scene was done with the aid of computers for some reason. Director Carlo Carlei must take a large share of the blame here, who seems to have taken a leaf from Tom Hooper’s book and decided that whenever one of his freshly faced nubile actors are onscreen he will zoom right in until their noggin fills the entire frame, not so great when you have one dramatic scene all but ruined by the large nose hair waggling away in time with The Bard’s lyrical lines. That is, of course, if you can actually make out what those lines are – much of the first third of the film is either badly recorded or mumbled and the experience quickly goes from ‘What? What was that?’ to ‘Actually, I don’t care any more’ as everything becomes a droning phrssssssssss sound.

Kodi Smit-McPhee as Benvolio is easily the best here out of the newcomers, and will be the phoenix rising from the ashes of this film.

Sunshine on Leith  (2013)    71/100

Rating :   71/100                                                                     100 Min        PG

Does the sun ever shine on Leith? It is an interesting metaphysical question. The Proclaimers certainly seem to think so – and have celebrated both their songs and the city of Edinburgh with this musical, based on their previous successful stage production (for non Edinburghers, Leith is the dockland area of the city). There are six central characters – two young men Davy and Ally (George MacKay and Kevin Guthrie respectively) returning from military operations in the Middle East, Davy’s sister Liz (Freya Mavor) and her pal from England Yvonne (Antonia Thomas), and the sibling’s parents Rab and Jean, played by Peter Mullan and Jane Horrocks, who are about to celebrate their twenty fifth wedding anniversary.

Initially we are confronted by a war scene, and the effects from this underlie much of the ensuing drama, but for the most part returning to Edinburgh sees the story become all sunshine and rainbows and it is not until areas of conflict arise half way through that it starts to become more interesting. There is a freshness to the acting, although inexperience does show through for some of the youngsters, but in the musical department, which matters most, this shouldn’t disappoint. Even Jason Flemyng, close pal of director Dexter Fletcher and often appearing in the same films as him, manages to belt out a brief number with enough gusto to be charming and cover up the fact that he is probably not a regular at the karaoke machine.

Overall the film is fun and likeable, but it’s lacking any major gravitas. It is, however, very successful at showing off the city of Edinburgh – in fact for possibly the first time in history the city features as the main setting for two major feature films screening in cinemas at the same time, this and ‘Filth’, although they are somewhat juxtaposed together. I believe the reason for this is the Scottish government’s decision to offer a tax incentive to film companies, so probably we can look forward to seeing more of Scotland on the big-screen (there are several more recent films that have made use of this, such as ‘World War Z’, ‘Fast & Furious 6’ and the opening plane hijacking sequence in ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ filmed around Inverness).

Oddly, The Red Dragon himself was in the crowd for the climatic scene of this film – shot between the Royal Scottish Academy and the National Gallery on Princes Street. Sadly, I believe they edited out the reels of people screaming in horror  …

Metallica : Through the Never  (2013)    63/100

Rating :   63/100                                                                       93 Min        15

Occasionally, The Red Dragon likes to relax with a little Metallica after a hard days work executing the local rubes that sporadically pester him with various, ahem, draconian laws. So I decided to fork out the extra cash for this on the IMAX screen – was it worthwhile? Well, I was surprised that there is a vague sort of narrative to this courtesy of actor Dane Dehaan whom we see, in between live concert footage of the band, going on a mission to get extra fuel for the gig (cue a thundering rendition of the song) and popping a mysterious pill on the way. In terms of that story, what follows is a sort of tripped out fantasy as he battles all sorts of assorted criminals in dream like sequences – very much reminiscent of the sort of screwball antics in Zack Snyder’s ‘Sucker Punch’ (11).

Overall these segments just feel a bit silly, and don’t really serve much of a purpose – running with a story in the background could have worked, but a real story, maybe with some sort of message behind it that the band feel very strongly about, internet piracy perhaps …(Metallica were the driving force behind shutting down file sharing colossus Napster). What this film excels at actually has nothing to do with the content of the movie – rather it is the inherent wonderful stage theatrics that the audience are treated to, as the band run through many of their most famous hits (although I don’t think they played any of their newer numbers – from the likes of albums ‘St. Anger’ 03 and ‘Death Magnetic’ 08).

Certainly on IMAX screens this is LOUD, which kind of goes without saying, but I wonder how the acoustics, in terms of decibels, of a large concert hall compare to those of the much smaller cinema screen auditorium. Getting your ear drums smashed to bits at a live Metallica gig at least has some cachet to it – having the same thing occur in a cinema isn’t quite so cool.

Overall as a fan of the music I did enjoy this, but there’s nothing to really raise it above a mere decent experience, and unless you are a devotee I don’t think the extra cost for the IMAX experience is going to be especially justified – plus it seemed to finish quite early, and since they’re combining multiple gigs for the film (and there’s the story element absorbing some time) they could easily have extended it another twenty minutes or so. The film was released to commemorate the 27th anniversary of the death of early band member and base guitar legend Cliff Lee Burton, who met a tragic (and very rock and roll) death when their tour bus skidded on a Swedish road, ejecting Burton from his bunk and through the window only to have the bus then land on top of him. Reportedly a makeshift crane was assembled, but it collapsed before they were able to pull him out from under the bus. Pretty awful – legend also has it that he won a game of cards with the ace of spades to decide his bunk for that evening, and, as everyone knows, the ace of spades represents death …

Thanks for Sharing  (2012)    61/100

Rating :   61/100                                                                     112 Min        15

There are shades of meaning here, but overall this is another American template film – cheesy fluff disguised as comedy and accompanied with repetitive chirpy music, interspliced with moments of real drama. The trouble with this ‘playing it safe’ formula is that it rarely satisfies, either as simple entertainment or as serious thought provoking art. The subject of the day is sex addiction, and two of the main characters, played by Mark Ruffalo and Tim Robbins, are sober former addicts who have bonded through their therapy sessions, where they meet new addition to the group Neil, played by Josh Gad. Ruffalo’s self will is put to the test with succubus Gwyneth Paltrow, Robbins must confront the long lasting effects his addiction has had on his family, meanwhile Gad is the only one who really convinces as having real problems as we see him trying to resist rubbing up against women in the subway and give up junk food at the same time – then in steps pop artist Pink as the sex addicted woman simply in need of a male friend and a good hug.

Comparing this to Steve McQueen’s ‘Shame’ (11), which was a much more focused portrayal of the same subject, it’s impossible not to see this as almost laughably bad for the most part, and it is not really until the final quarter that it dares to show any real teeth at all. The inclusion of Pink doesn’t help – she is actually quite good in it, but there is a natural dismay at seeing someone who already has an established high profile career and image appear on film at the expense of another actress trying to get a foot in the door, especially when they appear onscreen out of the blue and look for all intents and purposes exactly as they do in their other career.

Paltrow’s character almost laughs off sex addiction as an excuse for men to play around – and it is fair criticism for something that isn’t really in the public domain, asides from Michael Douglas publicly claiming he was a victim of it, and the aforementioned ‘Shame’. Is it a real condition on a par with alcoholism? This film did not leave me especially convinced. Could it perhaps be that it is more the cocktail of chemicals that must be floating around the body of someone who is constantly chasing tail – a mixture they enjoy but also suffer from: the weight of society’s watchful gaze, the lies and deception that might come with that: the stress of worrying about infection constantly: the knowledge one day it would have to end in order to have a family: the boredom of mundane work compared to the adrenaline fix of trying it on with every hottie around (especially the ones at work). With a substance addiction even though the body can’t handle what’s being thrown at it, that same body can continue to physically administer it – but with sex the body will reach a point where it’s simply no longer possible to continue with it, and surely drive must fall when that happens?

Probably it is also a question of loneliness, or emptiness – and perhaps it is possible to become addicted to anything that can be used to fill that void, forcing any addict to stare into it whenever the fix has run out, spurring them to run back to their crux with ever increasing desperation. The film shows the support group giving up on masturbation for extended periods of time (possibly indefinitely) – I was always under the impression human males have to ejaculate a certain amount of times a week in order to keep various bits and bobs healthy. Naturally, I was never sufficiently interested to investigate this further – I can only advise that easily the most satisfying way to end a sexual encounter is to quickly EAT your partner. Interpret that how you will.

How I Live Now  (2013)    42/100

Rating :   42/100                                                                     101 Min        15

Total crap. Yet another film (on the back of ‘Byzantium’ and ‘The Host’) that sees Saoirse Ronan playing an angsty teenager in love, who must deal with some enormous problem that is preventing her from having ecstatic fairytale love with her perfect man, as she stares angrily/stoically into space. The dramatic event is in this case a nuclear attack on London, and the subsequent invasion of the mainland that plunges Britain into darkness and separates her from the local churl that she is having desperate fantasies about (played by George MacKay) – often shown to us in lurid, jarring and bizarre dream vignettes. The trouble is that their cardboard romance doesn’t look like it would survive a trip to Blackpool never mind the end of the world, as the film, despite good cinematography and deserved kudos for the wardrobe department (anyone who dresses their heroine in a T-Shirt that reads ‘My laser Kittens destroy you’ is most definitely onto a good thing), tries to achieve something akin to crossing ‘The Last of the Mohicans’ (92) with ’28 Days Later’ (02), and completely fails. Teenage girls might enjoy this, but very doubtful anyone else will – disappointing effort from ‘The Last King of Scotland’ (06) and ‘Touching the Void’ (03) director Kevin Macdonald.

Blue Jasmine  (2013)    69/100

Rating :   69/100                                                                       98 Min        12A

As a comedy, this is for the most part dead in the water. As a dramatic character portrayal, is it a sad but very effective exposé – largely thanks to another tremendous central performance from Cate Blanchett as the beleaguered Jasmine, formerly named Jeanette, who was once hostess to the cream of New York society, but is now forced to live with her sister in San Francisco (where most of the film is set) after her rich husband was exposed for fraud, jailed, and all of their assets were seized by the state.

It is Woody Allen’s latest film after last year’s ‘To Rome with Love’, and here we see the return of Alec Baldwin in support, along with Peter Sarsgaard, Sally Hawkins and Bobby Cannavale, the latter two of which are particularly good in their roles, but at its heart Blanchett is the driving force – managing to make a troubled, neurotic character who is essentially unlikeable in the beginning, into a nuanced individual engaging the audience’s empathy, whilst still expanding on her central negative traits, something Woody Allen excels at. Quite possibly another deserved Oscar nomination coming her way … (she has one win so far for best supporting actress as Katharine Hepburn in Scorsese’s ‘The Aviator’ 04, and four nominations; best actress for ‘Elizabeth’ 98 and ‘Elizabeth: The Golden Age’ 07, best supporting actress for ‘Notes on a Scandal’ 06 and ‘I’m Not There’ 07)

Cate Blanchett talks about her experience of making the film